dre@uucorvallis.org

Family Night at the Ballpark! 7/28

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5:00 PM at Goss Stadium (on OSU Campus)

Bring the whole family to the ballpark on July 28th and sit with your UU friends! This is a fun, laid-back place to get to know the other families in our community while your kids scream-sing along with Journey at the top of their lungs. If you’re not a family, but you want to get to know our families, come sit with us! All are welcome! 

The game starts at 5 at Goss Stadium (on OSU campus). Purchase your General Admission tickets in advance or at the ticket booth, and we will meet inside in section 2. PLEASE REGISTER to let us know how much space we should save and to receive a text if our seating location necessarily changes at the last minute. If fewer than 3 families register, we will cancel this event via text.

If you have children or youth who would like to attend, but the cost is an obstacle, please contact Skyla (dre@uucorvallis.org) and we’ll get you taken care of. 

UUA Common Read Book Group 7/15-8/5

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Mondays July 15-August 5th, 11-12:30 on the social hall deck.
REGISTER HERE!

The 2023-34 UU Common Read is On Repentance and Repair: Making Amends in an Unapologetic World (Beacon Press, 2022).

This Common Read offers a glimpse into one of our faith’s foundational sources, Judaism. Readers follow the author, Rabbi Danya Ruttenberg, into a framework for making amends offered by the 12th century Jewish physician and scholar, Maimonides.

Written for people of any or no faith tradition, On Repentance and Repair introduces practices for accountability that can bring us into wholeness and make a difference in our personal, community, and national relationships.

This 4-part book discussion is offered as a brown bag lunch series, so bring your lunch and join us on the back deck for discussion.

Session 1: Meet Maimonides

Session 2: Repentance and Repair in Our Lives and Relationships 

Workshop 3: Repentance and Repair in Our Covenanted Communities 

Workshop 4: Repentance and Repair to Transform Our World 

Contact Skyla King-Christison with questions or if you need assistance with the purchase of the book.

Multigenerational Magic

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Our necessarily abrupt move to multigenerational worship has caused me some apprehension. Children do as the spirit moves them, so the power of my careful planning has its limits. While I’ve been focused on trying to mitigate all the ways this experiment could go horribly wrong, I hadn’t yet let myself dwell in all the ways it could go beautifully right until this past Sunday, when I experienced a magic so unmanufacturable that I find myself suddenly very willing to trust this process.

One of our smaller members spent the service at my feet, giving me the warm feeling of being chosen even though it certainly had everything to do with my proximity to the Soul Work shelf. He was engrossed in pipe cleaner construction as our choir sang a song called Glenda and Lauree: Certain Kinds of Love. The song was painfully beautiful, about two women who loved one another in a time when their love was discouraged. 

The song was too much to bear. A dear friend sitting in front of me left the sanctuary to cry alone. The woman beside me audibly sobbed, as did I. Of all the days to be this achingly moved in the service, did it have to be the day I couldn’t flee because I’d committed to sitting here at the Soul Work shelf in case a wee one needed help cutting yarn? 

The child at my feet occasionally looked up at the two of us ugly-crying above him, all snotty and wet-faced, but he didn’t look distressed. Near the end of the song, I put my arm around the woman beside me. You can only cry with someone for so long without at least sharing a half hug. When I let go, the child stood up, leaned in with a hand on my knee, and whispered, “I know it’s sad. It’s really sad,” and then went back to work on his pipe-cleaner creation. 

How different his experience in the world is from the one I was given as a child! I seldom saw adults in my life cry, and when I did, they made every effort to hide it, to protect me from witnessing big emotions, as if feelings were something shameful. What might it be like to grow up in a world where you feel what you feel out loud, and let your people sit with you in that? To not have to figure that out as an adult, but to just always know it? 

Some of us talked about it afterward, the way he participated in the tending of his fellow community members, not only as a child who was learning about how to be in community but as one of us, seeing grief and acknowledging it. And maybe even as a teacher. He didn’t, as many adults have a habit of doing, try to fix it or say it would be okay. He simply said, “I know. I know,” which is all most of us really want when we’re feeling big feelings. 

So I saw the magic of multigenerational worship with my own eyes and heart, as did several folx seated near the Soul Work shelf. Were there distractions? Yep. But the impromptu learning community that explored our shared humanity near the back corner felt more transformative than any sermon or RE lesson. It appeared to be less remarkable to the child than to us adults. We’re still talking about it days later over coffee and during commercial breaks. Perhaps it will be the adults who have the most to gain from this summer in service with our children. If this is what we have to look forward to, even only once in a while, I’m here for it!

*This story and image was shared with permission from the child’s family, who asked that his name not be used online.

Being with Children in Worship

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As we enter a period of multigenerational worship, it will be useful to consider some best practices for being together in a sacred space. People of all ages belong here and can be enriched by one another’s presence. We want every person to feel welcomed, comfortable, loved, and respected here. We are all growing together in faith.

We believe the following guidelines, borrowed largely from the Unitarian Universalist Community in Charlotte, can help us enter this time more thoughtfully.

Suggestions for children:

We are so glad you’re here!

Try Soul Work materials from the shelf at the back of the aisle. You may find that you feel calmer and can focus more on the service when your hands are busy.

Please return your unused materials and completed work to the shelf before you leave. We’ll incorporate your sewing into a quilt for the classroom wing when it reopens, and display your coloring in the “Artist of the Month” frame in the social hall! We’re excited to see what you create!

  • Try sitting where you can easily see what’s most interesting to you. Maybe it’s the speaker’s podium or the choir. Maybe it’s the tech team. What can you learn about being in community and helping out by watching people who are doing things that interest you? Probably a lot!
  • See if you can follow along in the order of service. That’s the folded paper that tells us what is coming up next in the service. You can compare the children’s order of service with the adult version. What’s the difference? Which do you prefer?
  • Please walk slowly and speak in a whisper when you are in this special, sacred room.
  • It’s okay if you need to get up and use the bathroom or get a new supply once in a while, but see how long you can remain in your seat and how few times you can get up. Learning to control our bodies and our attention is an important skill. It might help to make it a game and see how long you can stay in your spot without making a sound or try to get up fewer times this week than you did last week. Pretty soon it will be easy!

Tips for families:

  • Consistent attendance is the best way to increase your child’s comfort and participation in worship.
  • Explain what is going on during the service, and answer questions that your child may have with a whisper.
  • Consider sitting on the aisle so that if your child needs to go to the bathroom or get a supply from the Soul Work station, they can do so with minimal disruption. Encouraging your child to have plenty to keep them busy before you sit down will also help them minimize the ups and downs during the service. If you find that your child simply needs to get up more than a time or two during the service, consider sitting near the back or in the gallery that has been set up as a family zone.
  • You are welcome to step out into the social hall if your child needs a break but you wish to still hear the service. Keep in mind that parents have a higher capacity for tuning out child sounds than other adults, and try to step out before your child’s needs become an obstacle to community engagement in the service.
  • Ask for support from those around you. Many people here would love to carry a baby or take a child for a walk, but may be nervous about offering for fear of offending. Your willingness to speak what would feel supportive for you and your family helps those around you feel comfortable offering help.
  • If your child isn’t able to be in worship for long at first, please keep trying. As they have more experience, their capacity grows, and we find their presence a blessing to the congregation.

Suggestions for other adults:

  • Recognize your role as models for children in worship. Welcome children as you would others — learn their names, make a connection, smile and let them know you’re glad they are here. A little goes a long way in welcoming a child or family.
  • Share the experience of worship with children near you. You may find that you can share a hymnal or help them locate a passage in the order of service. Families are often thankful for the helping hand, and children enjoy the attention from nonparental adults.
  • While you may be eager to offer help to a child near you, you may be intimidating if you are a stranger to the child. Take time to get to know the children in our community by engaging with their whole family before services and in the social hall. If you’re a familiar face, your offers to assist will be more meaningful.
  • When children have a role in the service, treat them as worship participants rather than performers. If they make a mistake, even well-meant laughter can hurt and make it hard for them to want to try again.
  • Show patience and gratitude for the blessing of children in our midst. It means our faith is still growing! Keep your heart and mind open to what we can learn from each other as we work to be inclusive and loving as a congregation.

Gratitude with the Kiddos

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Gratitude is one of those things that is deceptively simple and ridiculously effective. It’s kind of like magic if you actually do it. I remember talking to one of our youth during our summer programming, who said, “My mom is making me do this gratitude thing where I say three things I’m grateful for every day, and it’s like super annoying because it, like, I actually feel better and it doesn’t make any sense.” I have had that same feeling. How can this work so well, and also, if it works so well, how come I have so much difficulty sticking to it every day?

Below, you’ll find some resources and thought for practicing gratitude at home with kids of all ages. Read on!

If we’re not intentional about how we approach a gratitude practice with kids, it can accidentally turn into something known as Brightsiding. I first came across this term at a Queerly Beloved movie night, when we watched a Rom-Com in which the queer, Muslim main character was called out by his friends for denying himself and his friends their negative emotions around their experiences by always insisting that they look on the bright side while being marginalized by their communities. This is a form toxic positivity gaslighting. 

When we encourage our families to notice the good, we need to be explicit that we’re not asking them to ONLY see the good, but to ALSO see the good. Our brains have a negativity bias, so we need to be intentional about noticing the good, but not in an effort to deny the bad. 

One way you can honor both is by rebranding your gratitude practice as a “roses and thorns” practice. This is something my children and I did when they were small, and now even as young adults, sometimes they’ll ask me, “What was your rose of the day?” when we share time together.

Naming your roses and thorns – the good parts and the bad – is also easier for folx who struggle with decision making. When you say, “Tell me the top three things you’re grateful for today,” a child may feel overwhelmed by the task of choosing just three. When you ask for roses and thorns, there is the possibility of an entire bouquet or simply a single stem. The pressure is off!

We share our roses and thorns at the dinner table, but if you don’t always share meals together, try it as a bedside practice and see what happens!

Researchers at UNC Chapel Hill have been studying gratitude within families in their “Raising Grateful Children Project,” and they have developed some very actionable tools for maximizing the effectiveness of our focus on gratitude.

“The researchers found that most parents focused on what children do to show gratitude. While 85% of parents said they prompted their kids to say “thank you,” only 39% encouraged children to show gratitude in a way that went beyond good manners. In addition, only a third of parents asked their kids how a gift made them feel, and only 22% asked why they thought someone had given them a gift.” (Source: Greater Good Magazine)

The Raising Grateful Children Project have broken gratitude down into 4 component parts to discuss with children.


Parents can foster deeper gratitude with their children by asking questions in these four areas.
Notice: Are there things and people in your life that you can be grateful for?

Think: What do you think about those things and people? Do you think you earned the things you have? Do you think the people in your life known what they mean to you?

Feel: How do the things you are grateful for make you feel? Do they make everyone feel that way? How do you think you make the people you are grateful feel?

Do: Is there a way you can show your gratitude for these things and people? How can you put your gratitude into action?

REFLECTIONS FOR CAREGIVERS

That old adage that the days are long and the years are short is so true for caregivers. Everything about parenting feels high stakes, and intense, and somehow both beyond our control and also entirely our responsibility. It can be hard to access gratitude in the moment, but that’s exactly when it can make the biggest difference. Next time you’re in a hard minute of caregiving, see if these questions can shift your perspective. 

  1. What quality is my child displaying right now that could be positive for them later in life? (Does this tantrum also reflect a child who knows what they want? Does their inability to sit still demonstrate a healthy body that can be active and vital?)
  2. How can I demonstrate my gratitude for my child in this moment when their behavior is causing me distress? Does showing gratitude in the hard moment shift their energy? Does it shift mine?
  3. Is there something I can identify in this moment that I’m lucky to have or experience?
  4. Is my endurance in this time of trial developing a spiritual capacity in me? How can I move through this challenge with my integrity in tact, and with a new tool in my spiritual toolbox that I will be grateful to have next time this comes up?

If you want to chat about gratitude at home, or anything else, my door is always open!

Children in Worship Discussion 6/2 & 6/19

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The RE Council will be hosting 2 post-sermon discussions for you to ask questions, voice concerns and ideas, and hear about the approach to multigenerational worship that we will be experimenting with this summer.

These will take place on June 2nd and 19th after the service in the sanctuary. Grab a cup of tea and come catch the vision for a summer of beautiful multigenerational worship!

You can read more about the specific changes coming to RE to help you prepare for our conversation!

Changes Coming to RE!

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Beginning June 9th, we will be adopting a new approach to how we welcome children and youth on Sundays! Nursery and classroom spaces will not be available during this temporary change. If you want to learn more about what’s coming to your hometown UU sanctuary this summer, read on!

What is Soul Work?

Soul Work was popularized by the UUA’s Children and Families Faith Development Specialist, Joy Berry, and is already used by countless congregations around the nation who moved to multigenerational worship after the pandemic impacted their volunteer pools. This approach to multigenerational worship involves having handwork projects — called “Soul Work” in our sacred spaces — available to members of all ages during worship.

Repetitive handwork like embroidery, crocheting, knitting, and coloring mandalas has shown therapeutic benefits similar to meditation. Many folx, young and old, feel better able to settle their bodies and listen when their hands are busy.

While the primary aim of Soul Work in multigenerational worship is to support our youngest members in being appropriately engaged in something quiet while they share our worship space, a side benefit has been referred to as the “NPR effect” by religious educators, who report that kids may look like they’re not paying attention to the service at all, but then a few days after will ask their parents about something that was said by the minister. Just like when kids seem zoned out in the car, but then ask about a Supreme Court Justice who was quoted on the radio. Hopefully, our children and youth will be able to be in conversation with all other members of our congregation around topics that are elevated in the service, making us a more whole and integrated community!

Here’s what it has looked like in other congregations:

Why Now?

I’m so glad you asked!

As you have hopefully heard by now, the classroom wing is getting a safety update sometime this summer. When that process begins — and we have no idea when the work will commence — we will not be able to enter that area for at least three months. What’s an RE team to do? Well, the staff and RE Council have been hard at work making a plan!

After exploring many options (renting other buildings, having children’s RE on a different day of the week, running in circles in a panic until construction is over), adopting Soul Work and starting it on the chosen date feels like the best possible option. Why? Well, many of our volunteers are unable to consistently serve in the summer months, and while I would ordinarily get busy trying to recruit some new summer volunteers (and did do some of that before we landed on this plan), it’s quite difficult to get people to set aside one of their precious few summer Sundays for something that may or may not happen. As you can imagine, it’s not a very compelling ask.

Planning for an unknown future is nearly impossible, so we decided to create some knowns by declaring a start date and implementing something beautiful on our own terms. I’ve been in consultation with DRE’s around our region who have already been using Soul Work in their congregation, learning what what has and hasn’t worked for them, and we’re almost ready to launch!

We will commence multigenerational worship on June 9th and return to our usual Nursery, Spirit Play, as soon as construction on the classroom wing has ended and a full slate of volunteers has been identified. This could be any time between fall and early winter. The reality with construction projects is that the timeline is entirely out of our hands.

How Will This Work?

Great question! A shelf of Soul Work options will appear near the hymnal racks at the back of the primary aisle toward the social hall. Parents, we invite you to consider stopping by the shelf on your way to your seat and encouraging your child to select something that will keep them busy for a while. If you think your child will need to return to the shelf at some point during the service, we encourage you to sit on an aisle near the shelf to minimize disruption.

I and a volunteer will be available to sit with kids in the gallery who want a little support learning a new handcraft. We’ll keep it to a whisper or silent demonstration, but we recognize that working with someone new is a novelty that might support their capacity to be respectfully quiet in the sanctuary as they acclimate to the space. We’re hoping this approach will be sufficient, but setting up a maker space in the social hall is a backup plan.

Alternative Orders of Service will be available that are simplified for children and we encourage parents and adults who are sitting near children to help them follow along in their Order of Service to help them stay engaged if it looks like they need more than their handwork.

Won’t Kids Be Disruptive to Our Sacred Time?

Multigenerational worship is a whole congregation endeavor. For years, we’ve been hearing folx wish for more children in our spaces. For four years, the RE Council has been actively working on expanding our congregation’s capacity for intergenerational connection. This is our chance to put those wishes and skill sets to work to make a meaningful and welcoming worship experience for all of our people, the tall and the small. But we’ve still got a lot of learning to do.

There will be hiccups. There will be disruptions. It will not be perfect. We’re viewing this as an experimental era, where we are committed to trying a way, reflecting, tweaking, and trying again. So the first few weeks will likely look a little different each Sunday as we work things out. I invite you to share your ideas with me and any member of the RE Council as we experiment. We’re here to help this be as smooth and seamless as possible, but we’re being realistic about the challenges ahead.

Kids do make sound. Kids do move their bodies. Kids do sing off key and clap off beat. There will be some distractions. We’re already in talks with the sound team about strategies for those with difficulty hearing, and we’d love to chat with you if that is a concern. We have some ideas, and if you’re a hearing aid user, we’d like to hear your ideas around the use of the Loop or Bluetooth, or other ideas we haven’t even thought of.

What If I Just Absolutely NEED a Super Quiet Space?

We know this is a reality for some, and we’re working toward creating a few zones for worship time in the building. Remember, once the construction begins, this is an unavoidable reality of our circumstances, so it’s nice that we’ve got a little practice time in advance to iron out some details.

We ask that parents of children who have reached their limit of quiet stillness step into the social hall, where they can still hear the sermon and choir while their children have a little more leeway to be active without preventing others from engaging with the service.

And for those who simply need a silent space, we are working towards streaming the service into the library for a completely set apart quiet space for those who absolutely need it in order to be able to focus completely.

It is our hope that the vast majority of adults will take advantage of this time to introduce yourself to the children near you, just as you would any other person in the sanctuary, and help them feel at ease in the sanctuary.

But I Still Have Questions!

We knew you would! Members of the RE Council will be available in the sanctuary after the service on June 2nd and 16th to answer your questions, hear your concerns and ideas, and share any information about the decision making process that led us here. I hope you will join us!

RE Volunteer Appreciation Luncheon 6/9

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We couldn’t offer the awesome programming and community-building opportunities for our children and youth that we do if not for our tireless team of volunteers. Did you know that it takes approximately 34 volunteers to keep our Religious Exploration programs up and running? That’s a lot of people contributing their time and energy to the care and development of our tiniest beloveds!

All RE Volunteers from the Grandfolks Squad, Nursery Care Team, Spirit Play Guides, Youth Advisors, and RE Council members are invited to attend a luncheon in Rooms 6 B&C at 11:45 on June 9th. Register HERE to help us prepare.

Parents, it would be lovely if you would sign up to contribute an item to the luncheon for those who care for our littles throughout the church year. Signups for food contributions can be accessed HERE!

If you have any questions about attending or contributing, contact Skyla (dre@uucorvallis.org)

Family Picnic 5/26

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Whole Family Hike and Picnic

Nursery, Spirit Play, and YRUU families are invited to a hike and picnic with Rev. Jill and Skyla after the service on May 26th. Please REGISTER HERE!

We’ll depart from UUFC at 11:45 and meet at the Fitton Green trailhead (parking is limited, so carpooling is encouraged) and make the short hike out to the viewpoint to eat together. This is a great chance for parents and siblings to get to know one another. 

Bring your own picnic lunch, sunscreen, and water bottle. The hike is short, the view is great, and the company will be greater!

If we have fewer than 3 families register, we will cancel the event and notify registered participants via email.

Direct questions to Skyla at dre@uucorvallis.org

Guest Speaker Jen Shattuck 5/12

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Have you ever thought about what selves do you bring into spiritual community with you? Well, you’re about to! Join us for a special sermon and post-sermon discussion with author and religious educator, Jen Shattuck.

J.L. (Jen) Shattuck is a lifelong Unitarian Universalist and longtime early childhood professional turned religious educator. She’s passionate about helping UU churches welcome and support their very youngest congregants and currently serves on staff at both the Unitarian Church of Barnstable on Cape Cod and at Sanctuary Boston. She is the author of The Tending Years, a book for those caring for preschool-age children, and is also the creator of Ellery Churchmouse, a video series for UU kids and their families.

Rev. Jill has copies of Jen’s book, the Tending Years, available for purchase!