Making up after a fight, repairing a relationship after rupture — these can be some of the toughest learning curves for humans.
I will preach on Reconciliation on Sunday. One tool I will use is a seven-step model from Dr. Hizkias Assefa, who is a Professor in the Conflict Transformation Programme, at Eastern Mennonite University. He works from his base in Nairobi as a mediator and facilitator in civil war situations in many parts of Africa.
But, I believe his seven steps can apply to situations right in your home, your family, this congregation, and this town.
Here are the seven steps that he has found necessary:
- Honest acknowledgment of the harm/injury each party has inflicted on the other;
- Sincere regrets and remorse for the injury done:
- Readiness to apologize for one’s role in inflicting the injury;
- Readiness of the conflicting parties to ‘let go’ of the anger and bitterness caused by the conflict and the injury;
- Commitment by the offender not to repeat the injury;
- Sincere effort to redress past grievances that caused the conflict and compensate the damage caused to the extent possible;
- Entering into a new mutually enriching relationship.
(Source: The Meaning of Reconciliation by Hizkias Assefa. Published in People Building Peace- 35 Inspiring Stories from Around the World (by European Centre for Conflict Prevention, 1999)
I look forward to hearing from you about how these work for you. Feel free to make an appointment to talk. My email is rev.alex.mcgee@uucorvallis.org.
With care,
Rev. Alex
Alex is serving UUFC in the role of Interim Minister and began in August 2025.