from the DRE

You’ve probably noticed that there are more and more families in our midst each week. Hooray! We love seeing faces of all ages in our sanctuary. With this uptick in family participation, we are experiencing a higher demand for childcare. At the same time, our list of able Grandfolks is dwindling due to illness and factors such as night driving.

A parent’s ability to engage in small group ministry and special events plays a large role in determining whether the family unit as a whole can continue to participate in the life of the Fellowship. If you are an adult of any age who has been with the Fellowship for more than 6 months, please take a moment to consider whether you would be able to give even one hour a month to care for children so that parents can have that time to commit to their own spiritual enrichment.

All Grandfolks will be interviewed, trained, and complete a background check before service.

If you want to help families stay engaged, please contact Skyla at dre@uucorvallis.org for more information.

Thank you so much to everyone who contributed winter accessories, hothands, and cash to support our children and youth service project of creating winter care kits. Having some small action to take when you see a need is one way that we can overcome feelings of hopelessness, and put our shared values of generosity, interdependence, and love into action!

Thanks to your generous donations, everyone in Spirit Play and YRUU created a winter care kit to keep in their car to offer when they cross paths with someone in need. Each kit contained a warm hat, gloves, and 2 ten-hour hothands pouches, along with a note of love and encouragement in a waterproof bag. Some of them also included scarves and artwork from the children. In all, 21 kits were made and a few leftover items were given to the Corvallis Daytime Drop-in Center.

We couldn’t have pulled this off without the support of our amazing community of adults, so thank you!

The children in RE will be making winter care kits for unhoused neighbors on November 17th.

We need gloves, hats, and HotHands for our kits before November 10th. Please consider donating new or gently used physical items or cash to help us purchase these items for our kits. Donations can be placed in the marked box outside of the RE office in Room 1.

Our goal is for every one of our 40 registered children and youth in RE to have a kit in their car ready to be handed to someone in need. Your generous donations will help us learn about and engage in community care.

Thank you in advance for supporting our RE programs!

The Grandfolks Squad is a group of (mostly) older adults who are willing to provide occasional childcare on an as-needed basis so that young parents can attend Fellowship functions without incurring a cost for childcare. This is a great way to get to know younger families and connect deeply with the next generation of Unitarian Universalists. In your free time, you can provide the loving care that we wish for every child and parent in our midst.

If you have extra love to give and time to share, please consider becoming a Grandfolks Squad member.

To join the squad, email Skyla (dre@uucorvallis.org) to set up a meeting. Grandfolks are interviewed and background checked before service, and receive a snazzy button to show the world that they’re proud Grandfolks!

We’re looking forward to having you on he squad!

Our necessarily abrupt move to multigenerational worship has caused me some apprehension. Children do as the spirit moves them, so the power of my careful planning has its limits. While I’ve been focused on trying to mitigate all the ways this experiment could go horribly wrong, I hadn’t yet let myself dwell in all the ways it could go beautifully right until this past Sunday, when I experienced a magic so unmanufacturable that I find myself suddenly very willing to trust this process.

One of our smaller members spent the service at my feet, giving me the warm feeling of being chosen even though it certainly had everything to do with my proximity to the Soul Work shelf. He was engrossed in pipe cleaner construction as our choir sang a song called Glenda and Lauree: Certain Kinds of Love. The song was painfully beautiful, about two women who loved one another in a time when their love was discouraged. 

The song was too much to bear. A dear friend sitting in front of me left the sanctuary to cry alone. The woman beside me audibly sobbed, as did I. Of all the days to be this achingly moved in the service, did it have to be the day I couldn’t flee because I’d committed to sitting here at the Soul Work shelf in case a wee one needed help cutting yarn? 

The child at my feet occasionally looked up at the two of us ugly-crying above him, all snotty and wet-faced, but he didn’t look distressed. Near the end of the song, I put my arm around the woman beside me. You can only cry with someone for so long without at least sharing a half hug. When I let go, the child stood up, leaned in with a hand on my knee, and whispered, “I know it’s sad. It’s really sad,” and then went back to work on his pipe-cleaner creation. 

How different his experience in the world is from the one I was given as a child! I seldom saw adults in my life cry, and when I did, they made every effort to hide it, to protect me from witnessing big emotions, as if feelings were something shameful. What might it be like to grow up in a world where you feel what you feel out loud, and let your people sit with you in that? To not have to figure that out as an adult, but to just always know it? 

Some of us talked about it afterward, the way he participated in the tending of his fellow community members, not only as a child who was learning about how to be in community but as one of us, seeing grief and acknowledging it. And maybe even as a teacher. He didn’t, as many adults have a habit of doing, try to fix it or say it would be okay. He simply said, “I know. I know,” which is all most of us really want when we’re feeling big feelings. 

So I saw the magic of multigenerational worship with my own eyes and heart, as did several folx seated near the Soul Work shelf. Were there distractions? Yep. But the impromptu learning community that explored our shared humanity near the back corner felt more transformative than any sermon or RE lesson. It appeared to be less remarkable to the child than to us adults. We’re still talking about it days later over coffee and during commercial breaks. Perhaps it will be the adults who have the most to gain from this summer in service with our children. If this is what we have to look forward to, even only once in a while, I’m here for it!

*This story and image was shared with permission from the child’s family, who asked that his name not be used online.

As we enter a period of multigenerational worship, it will be useful to consider some best practices for being together in a sacred space. People of all ages belong here and can be enriched by one another’s presence. We want every person to feel welcomed, comfortable, loved, and respected here. We are all growing together in faith.

We believe the following guidelines, borrowed largely from the Unitarian Universalist Community in Charlotte, can help us enter this time more thoughtfully.

Suggestions for children:

We are so glad you’re here!

Try Soul Work materials from the shelf at the back of the aisle. You may find that you feel calmer and can focus more on the service when your hands are busy.

Please return your unused materials and completed work to the shelf before you leave. We’ll incorporate your sewing into a quilt for the classroom wing when it reopens, and display your coloring in the “Artist of the Month” frame in the social hall! We’re excited to see what you create!

• Try sitting where you can easily see what’s most interesting to you. Maybe it’s the speaker’s podium or the choir. Maybe it’s the tech team. What can you learn about being in community and helping out by watching people who are doing things that interest you? Probably a lot!
• See if you can follow along in the order of service. That’s the folded paper that tells us what is coming up next in the service. You can compare the children’s order of service with the adult version. What’s the difference? Which do you prefer?
• Please walk slowly and speak in a whisper when you are in this special, sacred room.
• It’s okay if you need to get up and use the bathroom or get a new supply once in a while, but see how long you can remain in your seat and how few times you can get up. Learning to control our bodies and our attention is an important skill. It might help to make it a game and see how long you can stay in your spot without making a sound or try to get up fewer times this week than you did last week. Pretty soon it will be easy!

Tips for families:

• Consistent attendance is the best way to increase your child’s comfort and participation in worship.
• Explain what is going on during the service, and answer questions that your child may have with a whisper.
• Consider sitting on the aisle so that if your child needs to go to the bathroom or get a supply from the Soul Work station, they can do so with minimal disruption. Encouraging your child to have plenty to keep them busy before you sit down will also help them minimize the ups and downs during the service. If you find that your child simply needs to get up more than a time or two during the service, consider sitting near the back or in the gallery that has been set up as a family zone.
• You are welcome to step out into the social hall if your child needs a break but you wish to still hear the service. Keep in mind that parents have a higher capacity for tuning out child sounds than other adults, and try to step out before your child’s needs become an obstacle to community engagement in the service.
• Ask for support from those around you. Many people here would love to carry a baby or take a child for a walk, but may be nervous about offering for fear of offending. Your willingness to speak what would feel supportive for you and your family helps those around you feel comfortable offering help.
• If your child isn’t able to be in worship for long at first, please keep trying. As they have more experience, their capacity grows, and we find their presence a blessing to the congregation.

Suggestions for other adults:

• Recognize your role as models for children in worship. Welcome children as you would others — learn their names, make a connection, smile and let them know you’re glad they are here. A little goes a long way in welcoming a child or family.
• Share the experience of worship with children near you. You may find that you can share a hymnal or help them locate a passage in the order of service. Families are often thankful for the helping hand, and children enjoy the attention from nonparental adults.
• While you may be eager to offer help to a child near you, you may be intimidating if you are a stranger to the child. Take time to get to know the children in our community by engaging with their whole family before services and in the social hall. If you’re a familiar face, your offers to assist will be more meaningful.
• When children have a role in the service, treat them as worship participants rather than performers. If they make a mistake, even well-meant laughter can hurt and make it hard for them to want to try again.
• Show patience and gratitude for the blessing of children in our midst. It means our faith is still growing! Keep your heart and mind open to what we can learn from each other as we work to be inclusive and loving as a congregation.