November’s tool in the Family Faith Formation Toolkit is prayer! Pop over to the RE news page and read about the importance of prayer (even when you’re not cozy with the idea of God), a short and easy formula for prayer (in case you’re feeling rusty), and links to inspiring resources, all to help you grow in strength as the spiritual leader of your family!
Prayer can feel like a loaded word, especially if you have an itchy relationship with the term “god.” Still, children have an innate desire to connect with something bigger than themselves, and parents and grandparents are their best spiritual guides. Even if you’re not a fan of the G word, you can teach your child how to pray.
Why pray? Many studies by secular scientists find that prayer can result in reduced anxiety and increased calm and well-being. It’s a great tool to have in your family’s spiritual toolbox!
Not sure how to get started with prayer? Back in the Summer, Reverend Jill McAllister gave us a simple formula for prayer that anyone can use.
address your source of strength
name your complaint
confess your trust
add a petition
express praise & gratitude
EX: Dear Spirit of Love, this world & it news cycles are too much to bear! Love is the only thing I know that can fix this. Please blanket this world in your healing power. Thank you for being a force for good that’s always available.
“I’d go out into a great big field all alone or into the deep, deep woods and I’d look up into the sky…up…up…up into that lovely blue sky that looks as if there was no end to its blueness and then I’d just feel a prayer.”
That’s just one way to pray. I was twelve the first time I heard Anne Shirley’s ideas about prayer. I knew immediately, “That’s the right way to pray!” For me, anyway.
Some people like to pray with ancient language written in far away places. Some prefer to chant prayers or sing them out loud. Some people like blessings, like those written by Kate Bowler in her book Bless the Lives We Actually Have.
Do you remember how you learned to pray? Who taught you? How did you feel? Consider sharing that experience with your children or grandchildren. Remember, there’s no wrong way to connect with the sacred.
A member of our recent Spiritual Practices workshop found their way to my inbox with a request. “Can we take the word sacred out of the workshop so that people who don’t believe in God will feel welcome?” I want to share with you what I shared with this kind-hearted soul. One definition for “the Sacred” is God. Yes. But another definition I’ve seen used is that sacred refers to anything worthy of awe and wonder. You don’t have to believe in God to experience things that are larger than yourself and inspire a sense of awe. Awe is part of the human experience, and prayer is a way to commune with that. What better gift could we give our families than a framework they can use to regularly connect with the sacred?
Homework for Caregivers
If it’s been a while since you prayed, try out Jill’s 5-step plan for prayer and see how it goes. Pay attention to how you feel in your body when you practice prayer. Do you feel tense? Do scratchy feelings well up reminding you of ways that prayer has been weaponized against you in the past? Are you reminded of people who treat prayer like a divine vending machine, always asking for things to be just the way they want them? Or maybe you feel a melting sense of relief when you connect to something that makes you feel small. Maybe it’s comforting to be reminded that you’re not responsible for everything. That something or someone else can handle some of the care of the world and its people.
As you weigh how things are within you, consider your hopes for the children in your life. Are you hopeful that they can connect with their smallness as well as their power? Are there ways you can help your child voice their needs and wants without the entitlement that comes from the ATM-style prayer? Is there a value, to you, in this kind of practice?
These big questions are best when explored with a parenting partner, a friend, or a mentor. Consider calling up someone in your circle of support and asking them to discuss them with you. When you feel ready, discuss them with your kiddos. You might be surprised what you learn.
And, as always, if you want to pop in and discuss prayer or anything else, my door is always open!
Every 4th Sunday of the month, the young(er) adults of the UUFC are invited to gather after the service to enjoy pizza and conversation together, to deepen social connections between the two newest adult generations of our culture. The term “young adult” is a wiggly one, especially in today’s social climate, where some Millennials identify more with the elder Gen X, while others find they have more in common with the younger Gen Z. As such, our Young Adult Pizza Hour attracts quite the spectrum, a delightful mix of 18 year-old college freshmen all the way to elder Millenials who are starting to inch into their fourth decade. All of these age brackets are welcome!
Every month, regular attendees receive a reminder email in the week leading up to the fourth Sunday with an evocative quote and a few discussion questions to ponder for that month’s meet-up, and then when we get together for pizza (including GF and vegan options) to chat, learn from one another, and commiserate about the struggles of adulting in the world in which we live.
Every six weeks or so, we gather at each of the eight points on the Wheel of the Year as an intergenerational community to celebrate holidays from nature-based neo-pagan tradition with story, song, and ritual. Some of these holidays are widely known, like Yule, the Winter Solstice. Some, like Lughnasadh, are not as well recognized. The eight sacred days on the Wheel start with Yule in December, then proceed to Imbolc in February, Ostara in March, Beltane in May, Litha in June, Lughnasadh in August, Mabon in September, Samhain in October, and then right back around the Wheel to Yule. This cycle of celebration echoes the cycles of the changing year, and it honors the interdependent web of which we are all a part,
The stories we tell as part of these services are told together, with an ever-changing cast of voices. Congregants of all ages can volunteer to take roles in these services, bringing the tales alive with costumes, props, and lots of fun congregational interaction. In addition to the services themselves, each point on the Wheel has been recognized as a holiday throughout human history, and so we honor some of these occasions in extra ways, too! A May Pole for Beltane, Hallow’s Eve costumes for Samhain, sing-a-longs for Yule… Honoring the Wheel of the Year calls for celebrations of all kinds! In addition, each point on the Wheel is accompanied by a Celebration Week — a handful of self-guided activities that are appropriate for all ages that deepen understanding and interaction with the truths of each seasonal celebration.
Last Sunday, the YRUU participants went on a scavenger hunt around the building to see if they could find evidence that UUFC members act on their values. Thanks to your awesomeness, they found plenty of clues that the adults in our congregation are actively living into our faith! Thanks for being such excellent UU role models!
UU minister Ralph Roberts has created an Advent series to help us learn and delight in the ways that our Unitarian and Universalist ancestors helped shape many of the winter holidays.
You are invited to engage with this offering in 2 ways:
1. Anyone can register HERE to receive a very short daily email from December 1st through the 24th. Each note will contain a sweet piece of our religious heritage to warm your winter days and help you reflect on your place in this long line of justice makers and creative souls.
2. Children who attend the Holiday Fair on December 2nd will be able to make a UU Advent calendar at our craft table with the fun UU history facts attached to a small daily treat bag.
You may already know that Ginny Gibson courageously took an Adult RE workshop assignment and transformed it into one of the most beloved Sunday services of the year — her Knowings and Callings talk for Pride Month. What you might not know is that last week she quietly took her moving presentation on the road to the Church of the Brethren in La Verne, California. In this full circle moment, Ginny spoke in the Spiritual Formation program as a kind of thank you to the congregation that once supported her so well and that featured prominently in her presentation. She was welcomed by old friends and an evening reception where members of the LGBTQIA+ community came together to reflect on several decades’ worth of social change.
Ginny, we are so proud of you! Thanks for being brave enough to shine your light near and far!
There is no progress without failure. Yet, in our culture that is focused on sharing highlight reels, it’s easy to forget that there are no real overnight successes. The road to “what’s next” is littered with beautiful “almosts” and “not quites.” Before you start thinking about New Year’s resolutions, come share in a celebration of this past year’s failures that got you to where you are now.
We will reflect on a year’s worth of things that didn’t quite go our way, grieve the dreams that maybe we’re giving up on, and celebrate the new vision that is forming as a result of our failures.
At this event, you can expect some tears, some laughs, and some dancing under disco lights. Best of all, you can expect to walk away with a deeper sense of community because vulnerable sharing and mutual support are an exceptional foundation for new friendships.
The evening will conclude with a potluck snack dinner and discussion. Please bring your favorite comfort food to share!
Don’t miss it! Come let us celebrate you and your awesome, brave failures!
The Brilliant Minds Workshop on January 20th, will invite participants to explore and share their personal experiences with neurodivergence and psydivergence. Please consider taking this very brief survey to assist the planning team in their efforts to meet the most immediate needs of our community.
If you’re a UU who gets an itchy feeling when you hear the word God, you’re not alone. There are plenty of reasons we might avoid the subject, but our kids will hear the word without our help. It doesn’t matter if you abandoned the notion of God long ago, you’ve got a solid relationship with your Goddess, or you’ve gotten comfortable with just not knowing. I’m all but 100% certain that your kids are going to have questions about God anyway. UU minister, Reverend Robin Bartlett says, “I have a responsibility to say something about god because someone else on the playground, or at a friend’s house, or at a summer camp will fill the vacuum I’ve left if I say nothing at all… I need to counter the message that God picks and chooses, that some souls are saved, but not all souls.”
Let’s explore some ways we might authentically fill that vacuum.
Half an Answer is Better Than an Answer and a Half
When we’re caught off guard, uncomfortable, or overly passionate about a topic — all feelings we might have when our kids ask about the G-word — it’s easy to give too much of an answer, and even start to answer questions that weren’t actually asked.
Sound familiar?
With younger, elementary-aged children, asking more questions before offering answers can help you discern what’s really being asked. Our own baggage can cause us to read too much into the question & give an answer that is too big for our child. Take a breath so you can listen & discern first.
If we give too big an answer, our children are likely to tune out before they get the answer they were looking for. If we’re regulars at giving too much of an answer, they might even develop a habit of not asking.
Remember this: Half an answer is better than an answer and a half!
While this is true for all aged audiences, it’s especially true when talking with our children. By keeping our answers short, we give our children time to digest what they’ve heard & ourselves time to consider what more we wish to say. When we leave our kids with a valid answer, but still wanting more, we make space for the conversation to circle back around a few more times, and these big conversations with no easy answers are at their best when we plant the seed, give it time to grow, and return to tend it regularly.
We’ve got a lifetime for this talk. No need to overdo it on our first go.
Other Ways of Saying God
Very often, “god” is just a quick way to say “something bigger than ourselves that inspires awe.”
If your younger kiddo asked about God, it’s probably best to stick with that word for now and just try not to make it weird.
If you have older kids, though, who are capable of more flexible and nuanced thinking, it can be useful to come up with a list of longhand terms for God that feel less loaded. Then, when you encounter religious wisdom with god talk together, you can evaluate it with more clarity by substituting your longhand terminology to see if it’s wisdom that resonates with you.
Here’s a short list to get you started.
God is:
the Big Mystery Love with a capitol L
the Unknowable Power the Really Real
the Inner Calling the Governing Laws of the Universe
Anne Lamott & Howard
Next month, we’ll be adding prayer to our toolkit. As a bridge from here to there, I offer the words of the brilliant and ever-salty Anne Lamott:
You may in fact be wondering what I even mean when I use the word “prayer.” It is communication from the heart to that which surpasses understanding. Let’s say it is communication from one’s heart to God. Or if that is too triggering or ludicrous a concept for you, to the Good, the force that is beyond our comprehension but that in our pain or supplication or relief we don’t need to define or have proof of or any established contact with. Let’s say it is what the Greeks called the Really Real, what lies within us, beyond the scrim of our values, positions, convictions, and wounds. Or let’s say it is a cry from deep within to Life or Love, with capital L’s. Nothing could matter less than what we call this force. I know some ironic believers who call God Howard, as in “Our Father, who art in Heaven, Howard be thy name.”… Let’s not get bogged down on whom or what we pray to. Let’s just say prayer is communication from our hearts to the great mystery, or Goodness, or Howard; to the animating energy of love we are sometimes bold enough to believe in; to something unimaginably big, and not us. We could call this force Not Me, and Not Preachers Onstage with a Choir of 800. Or for convenience we could just say ‘God.’
Homework for Caregivers
If you can, practice speaking out loud what you would say if your child asked, “What is God?” or “Do you believe in God?” Notice how it goes, and whether it reflects your truest answer. If they’ve already asked and you feel like it could have gone WAY better, don’t fret. It’ll circle back around. And when it does, you’ll have a little practice, and hopefully a little community of support.
Speaking of support…
Ask a friend if they’ve had the god talk with their kids and would be willing to share how it went. If they’re still a part of your life, ask your parents or caregivers about how old you were when you first got curious about God and how they felt. Have their feelings about god shifted over time? If they could go back, would they teach you the same? The more we talk about these topics with our people, the less weighty they start to feel, and then we can approach these conversations with our usual calm.
And, as always, if you want to pop in and discuss the big G or anything else, my door is always open!
Wear your costumes to the service on Sunday, October 29th for the intergenerational Samhain service, and stay after for some fun!
All ages are invited to come play games and eat treats while you learn about what our various teams, councils, and board of directors are up to at our third annual Teams and Councils Trick or Treat!
